Elon, D&D, and the Zombie Property

Why Elon Musk buying D&D solves nothing

The discourse surrounding Wizards of the Coast’s recent slander of Gary Gygax has produced something that RPG discourse rarely receives; mainstream attention. In this case, it drew the ire of the richest man in the world who just so happens to be a longtime fan of Dungeons & Dragons. As a frequent contributor to the RPG discourse, I couldn’t help but feel like a battle-weary Imperial Guardsman seeing an Ultramarine Drop Pod crash onto the field and a squad of Terminators emerge from it. Still, the question has to be asked; realistically, what could come of this? Elon Musk famously bought Twitter seemingly on a whim upon finding out that The Babylon Bee had been banned. However, the reality of that situation was that controlling Twitter meant controlling discourse. As we saw from the results of the 2024 election, Elon having control over the discourse platform created legitimate political results. Nobody can argue that his ownership of Twitter had no impact on Donald Trump’s campaign. Many of the smartest political commentators argue that it was a decisive factor. By contrast, Wizards of the Coast, Dungeons & Dragons, and even Hasbro as a whole offer vanishingly little of value for someone like Elon Musk. The likelihood of him buying one of the three seems low, but we are talking about the richest man in the world. Elon could drop $11.9 billion on Hasbro, or likely only $5-6 billion, just to satisfy his inner 13 year-old that would be geeked about owning the totality of D&D, GI Joe and Transformers. I doubt sincerely that a man like Elon Musk would spend that much money for the lols though. He would need more of a reason to do something like that and the fact of the matter is that Hasbro, WotC and D&D offer nothing of value except for IP and IP is not the kind of asset that a man in Elon’s position trades in.

Thinking about D&D like it’s just another Twitter that Elon Musk could buy and suddenly make based again is the wrong way to approach things. Twitter in 2023 was basically the dominant platform for public discourse. Journalists, politicians, news media, pundits, and influencers congregated on Twitter and, as it was revealed in the Twitter Files, so did federal agents. It was a valuable tool for guiding discourse and building narratives and while Elon presented his purchase of Twitter as some kind of elaborate joke, the reality of what he was doing should be readily apparent now. By contrast, D&D has basically zero value beyond what the initials and logo are worth. It was taken over by progressives because it represented an avenue of escape from their agenda that they could co-opt for the purpose of demoralization and extremely low-level indoctrination. As they have done many times before, progressives killed the core of the IP, hollowed out its body and proceeded to wear the hollowed out body as a kind of costume. Then, in a macabre display of dominance, they dance around in their IP skin suit drawing as much attention as possible to the ways in which the skin sags or shows signs of necrosis. If Elon Musk bought Hasbro or D&D, all he would be buying is a closet filled with these disgusting skin suits. Sure, he could spruce them up, fill them with more fitting insides and have them act in a more dignified way reminiscent of their past glory, but that’s all it would be; just a reminiscence. It would be a hologram tour a la Whitney Houston. What good would this do anybody? Are we to expect the richest man in the world to reanimate our nostalgia sans progressive vandalism?

Intellectual property has a shelf-life. It has a natural lifespan just like the humans who fashion it. Some IP has serious staying power and can last over several decades. The James Bond franchise maintained relevance for nearly 60 years starting with the publication of Casino Royale in 1953 and ending with the release of Skyfall in November of 2012. While Spectre and No Time To Die followed Skyfall, anyone can tell you that those movies represent a sharp downturn in quality with No Time To Die being, in essence, an act of suicide. Some IPs die in dignity, going out on a high note. Many are pushed beyond their limits and crumble, leaving us with a poor impression of them that tarnishes their overall legacy. I think of former UFC fighter Anderson Silva, a once nigh-unbeatable champion who succumbed to his own hubris and tarnished his own legacy chasing one final victory to hang his hat on. Unfortunately, much like in real life, few people truly know when their time is upon them. We cannot know when our number is up and, as a result, many of us will not die in quiet, painless dignity in our sleep surrounded by loved ones. When a person has died though, we bury them, memorialize them, and keep their memories in our hearts. We pass on our memories of these people to others, including our descendants. I never met my father’s Papaw Howard, but I have an image of my great-grandfather Ralph Howard taking my dad to the movies and to buy guns in Mooresville, NC in the late 60’s and early 70’s. Ralph Howard is still a person to me. He hasn’t been forgotten and, in fact, he is remembered purely for the good things that he did in his life caring for my father during a time where he didn’t have an actual father in his life. As a man, I see the impact that my grandfather had on my father and I can take inspiration from his example, as well as my father’s example, and carry that over into my own relationship with my child and my eventual grandchildren.

I digress in talking about my late great-grandfather and how his memory lives with me because I see no reason why a media franchise shouldn’t be treated the same way as a person. Media franchises are easier to preserve than people. We have on-demand services that we can use to forever archive movies, music, television, pictures and books. We have more mechanisms than ever to preserve and pass on the media that we cherish. I can watch a 4K UHD version of Gladiator right now on my phone or later on tonight on my 4K smart TV. I could replay the movie twelve times over if I so desired. What on earth do I need a sequel to it for? The story is complete, it has run its course, and the only reason a movie called Gladiator II exists right now is that the first film made money two and a half decades ago. Gladiator II wears the skin suit of a beloved film and does nothing but tarnish the name of the original. What we should be doing with Gladiator is leaving it in its time, remembering it by viewing it as often as we like, and taking inspiration from it as we create the media of the future. This is the thing that is missing from current culture. Jack Kirby merged Shakespeare with Arthur C Clarke sci-fi and Norse mythology to create Marvel’s Thor and the characters in his orbit. George Lucas combined westerns, samurai movies, ancient mythology and Frank Herbert’s Dune to create Star Wars. In the modern creative environment, producers would be demanding that Kirby just draw Romeo and Juliet: Resurrection, a modern re-imagining of Shakespeare’s original. 20th Century Fox would be asking Lucas to just re-make Seven Samurai and forget about his little space movie. Trying to keep these franchises alive is strangling culture and D&D is no exception.

If Elon Musk does wake up one morning and buy D&D lock, stock and barrel, the best thing he could possibly do is sell high-quality reproductions of the original books for the niche of people who want them for nostalgia or for archival sake. Other than that, the brand should remain dormant. Shutter it and stop trying to keep it going as a perpetual source of new content. There doesn’t need to be a “new” D&D. We have plenty of editions of D&D to choose from already. D&D is a zombie property. There is debate as to when it died. Personally, I think it’s been dead since 2000. Regardless of whether you agree with me or believe that 2008 is a more accurate death date or maybe 2014 or 2024, the venerable franchise is deceased. We should let it rest and keep our fond memories of it and move on into the future of roleplaying. Of course, this is no more a realistic expectation than Elon Musk buying D&D, changing the name to Xungeons x Xagons (XxX) and suddenly making it turbo based launching a new renaissance of roleplaying. The reality of the situation is that Elon probably won’t buy Hasbro, WotC or D&D. Hasbro will run the brand into the ground until the initials no longer have any value. The best thing we can do is acknowledge the death of our beloved IPs, recognize their modern iterations as zombie properties and hold dear our memories and mementos of the good times. With those memories, we can build a future. We can build upon the tradition of these beloved movies, shows, books and games and create new ones for the next generation.

The IP of our past has fallen into decay and is being desecrated. The parasites and carrion eaters feasting on their bodies have demonstrated that they will continue to feast until there is nothing left. If we did chase them away, we would only be left with decaying bodies. The custodians of these properties did not take care to protect them or deliberately let the sickness destroy them. There’s no getting around that now. We have to make peace with their deaths, learn from the mistakes that killed them and move forward with new properties. Reanimating the zombie franchise is anticreativity. Stop trying to shock the dead bodies back to life. Go bring life to something new.